


cringey allurance fanfiction written like a male author would

by ThiccManTheSavior



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is best girl, Allura ships klance, Breasts, F/M, Oh my god Lauren im butchering your character Im sorry, Political References, allurance, almond shaped eyes, did I mention boobs?, klance, lots of boobs, who would win? OwO or UwU?, you'll cringe so bad that you'll feel physical pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 10:30:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThiccManTheSavior/pseuds/ThiccManTheSavior
Summary: not all men





	cringey allurance fanfiction written like a male author would

**Author's Note:**

> ** TW: Sexist and homophobic language  
> **  
>  **Allura is best girl you can't change my mind**. Enjoy grammatical errors my paladudes. Personalities may be changed a bit.

"Garbage! tis' garbage" she complained under her voice.

She noticed how tight her paladin armor was wrapped around her creamy delicate breasts. It made her uncomfortable throughout the whole mission, Lance asked her twice "are you okay?". He had a natural talent for amplifying emotional cues, blood rushed to her cheeks and she melted in his dominant alpha gaze. She felt like she was performing a strip tease around Lance, _who cares? I should just tell him about this booby situation. He's done hard fighting today, he'll be happy I talk about my tits_.

She sternly replied "Altea was never this hot, this texas bitch place. It's making me sweat so much". Lance laughed, he found it funny when Allura used earth slang, so she proceeded to entertain him in hopes to get closer.

She got to her earth hotel and stripped down her armor, now relieved as her duties fell to the ground with her garments. A woman without economic or physical work is a woman in her natural state. Her silk body moistened itself in the steam of the shower, the pores on her skin relaxed and the stiffness in her muscles dissolved under the water. The beads of earth liquid scaled down her exotic brown skin, her finger sank into her wet, white luxurious hair. The water was warm like Lance's touch. She imagined his hands caressing her body the way the water did. His long hands running down her average-sized badonkers to her maternal shakira hips. These thoughts drove her wild, she was diplomatic on the outside, but a furnace on the inside. She craved Lance's hips to crash on hers, like she was calling for atlantis. But she is a femoid, she should never have dirty thoughts. She let out a euphoric galactic sigh of desperation.

 

She promised a date with Lance, she knew how attractive she was and how men lusted after. Allura was a man's dream waifu, an object of desire. Just looking at her would cure all illness and pain. Lance was a luckier chad than Johnny Sins, a man like this paladin would only see rainbows and world peace for the rest of his life.

She watched Lance struggle to exit the door, his siblings holding him back, clinging onto his strong arms and teasing him in  s p a n i s h . His peasant house was always noisy, but Allura adored it. Her maternal instincts kick in when Lance's being good with children, _he'll make a fine father and put my uterus to work_. He wriggled his limbs and broke free from the grasp. They didn't follow him out, but his adorable happy mom shoved everyone aside. She was 40 something and failed to give straight men a boner, so I decided not to describe her.

She yelled "usa protección o dibujarás OCs sónicos"

" Por última vez mamá, NO ES NARUTO SONIC!" he replied, rather annoyed. This was a rational reason to be mad, no man makes emotional movements, only logical.

"what language was that? you have different languages here on earth??? INCREDIBLE" her almond shaped eyes sparkled as she stared at Lance in a blissful way, like his existence alone could please her.

Lance stood there dumbfounded, unable to form words. She wore a blue flared dress that made her look like a school girl. A fancy yellow hat and red lipstick to distract men in the workplace. Her cleavage pronounced so specifically as if it was designed to incite men, she kept muttering something, but Lance was under a witch's spell, his delicious eyes couldn't break away from her rich mammaries that would usually be shielded by her mice.

" **LANCE!** " she yelled for the fourth time. Lance sh00k and his lids fluttered faster than his heartbeat, "I'm sorry" his voice wavered, he was caught being disrespectful. What a beauty. How happy her dad must be.

"It's already 4pm, where are you taking me?" he asked.

"umm... I can't decide..." she replied, revealing a coy smile.

Lance felt like a real man when the girls he dated couldn't make decisions. The excitement he had to take charge and lead her, this is his only chance of being the leader because black paladin Lance will never become canon. Lance was far from an average man. Men who think like him are very successful with women and in life, they watch a few youtube videos about pick up artistry and claim they have a phd in the psychology of women. Sure capitalism has it's downside because it manipulates people into purchasing loot boxes, but manipulating women is a true man's desire, one could excuse Lance for his primal instincts, every man wants a hot girl beside him so that he can show off his alpha status _. What an outstanding evolution in man kind!_ Lance smirked.

There's a classy cafe/coffee shop Lance wanted to show her, only ten minutes of walking could get them to that street. "I never took any one else to this coffee shop" he was being sincere. The sky went to a dark lavender and the sun was now fully below the horizon, sheding it's final gold light on the bottom of small clouds, highlighting its crevices. Busy people walked past, none seemed of interest to either of them, Lance knew that other men were eyeing Allura and the lucky man. But for once Lance didn't care, for once he only thought of the person beside him rather than the attention he was getting.

 _Wait, what's keith doing here?_ Keith was seated on a round table outside the cafe, next to Matt, who he looked like he was flirting with but Matt never got the hints. Allura whispered "hey! It's K-" Lance cut her short and dragged her into the cafe before Keith turned.

"Hey what's wrong Lance?" he almond shaped eyes concerned about him, "you have a thing for keith don't you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) "

 _Wow what the fuck? these rotten girls_ "w- WHAT? NO! my dick will fall off if i have feelings for a man"

"hey thats not nice!" Allura scowled.

She continued, "I'm glad you're not nice bc I love bad boys ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Lance blushed. His cheeks felt hotter than walking on concrete in the afternoon. He swallowed, imagining himself gobbling down his heavy, rabid heart beats. Lance was so lucky. He had got this bride in a mail package, equipped with a submissive smile and fierce long legs for a bad boy like Lance to mark territory. He could growl and bark if he could, but no, He glanced at the man outside. Keith is here with his gay agenda, He and those annoying mice could get along because the both dislike pussies.

Allura sneered, he was clearly looking at Keith, "Lonce, sit down"

Lance snapped out of it. He did as he was told, taking a seat near the window, uncomfortably only the glass separated him and keith. A woman stopped by the table, "may I take your orders?" she said with a honey voice. wow I wish arrula talked to me this way  
"Yes, We'll have regular coffee with Cappuccino chocolate muffins"

Lance secured, Allura ordered for him. He did feel victimized by the matriarchy, but such a fragile woman ordering for him was delightful, she was full of surprises.

"So tell me about yourself" he leaned his face agains this palm and his elbow tapped the table.

"well, I'm a paladin of voltron, from Altea-"

"No. Those are things I already know Allura"

"Ugh, sorry. I've never been on a date like this before. On altea our idea of a date is trying to catch jellyfish without getting killed"

"ok. So tell me about yourself (1) "

Lance watched he talk, his eyes glinting red. her mood changing based on what she spoke about. Her boobs jiggled and swayed when she moved her hands about. Her almond eyes full of emotion, he smile like a cosmic madonna.

boobs.

The window shatters and Keith tumbles on Lance, his eyes yellow as showing signs of an alpha. "Keith... you're the real alpha????" Lance whimpered under Keith's gazed. Keith was growling, everyone else in the cafe panicked. Keith had just found the mothman. LANCE was the mothman.

Allura rolled her eyes, she'd rather make out with a chainsaw than see Lance's deny of the bi. "this is so sad. alexa play despacito"


End file.
